you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
