i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
