Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
