yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
