I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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