I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
