Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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