I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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