we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
