dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
