My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
