He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
