I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
