I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
