you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
