I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
