My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
