Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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