just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
