1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
