Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
