you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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