He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
