I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
