i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
A bitchslap is in order.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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