I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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