Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
