Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We're facebook friends in real life
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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