so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
