that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
