I cockslap morals
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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