Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
