I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
