Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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