No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You've changed since you got that strap on
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
