dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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