thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
