I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
