Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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