Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize