Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
