Well douche your snatch and let's go!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
