I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
