i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
