why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
