I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize