Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Vodka?
Forever.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
