lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
