tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't deserve a penis
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
