I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
