apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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