Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
