i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
