Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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