I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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