So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize