You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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