So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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