margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I party with great urgency now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
