dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
whose parrot is this?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
