Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
