I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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