I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
