I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
