The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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