He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
