I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
