I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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