kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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