U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is it penis luge time yet?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
