toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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