the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
