She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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