remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
