so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
They are going to name an STD after you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
