I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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