she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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