Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
there is glitter all over my balls
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
