A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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