So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
