I wish my penis had an off switch
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
