Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
