That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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