no, he came in my armpit
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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