Sry I called you an 8
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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