Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
