Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize