found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
