My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
bring money and cleavage
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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