your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im holly from the hills drunk
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
