it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
