Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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