i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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