does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
