i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
