Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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