well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
