thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
