how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
