nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
