I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
