So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
