nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
