i think my mom watched the whole time
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
