Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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