Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
