Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
