i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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